How I stayed a Bachelor

How I stayed a Bachelor

“Just tell me what sort of girl you want to marry. Leave the rest to me”

When I looked at myself in the mirror in the morning what looked back was certainly not something that girls would be queuing up for the chance to marry. In fact, as Wodehouse could say, it was something that girls would probably run a mile in stiletto heels to avoid marrying. What gave my aunt the confidence to make a promise like this beat me especially since she had not even a nodding acquaintance with electoral politics.

I was young then, folks! Now, of course, I realize that it is one of the regular party games in South Indian weddings. The aunt, whose worst nightmare would be to really have to find a girl for the good for nothing misshapen gargoyle in front of her, has to act as if finding a match for her nephew was her only ambition in life. The good-for-nothing misshapen gargoyle, whose fondest daydream is to be able to hoodwink a girl and family into considering him an adequate bridegroom, has to act as though the very thought of marriage was anathema to him. It was a game with serious hazards – for the aunt. If she failed, nothing was lost. If she succeeded, however, she had a choice of either actually finding a girl or disguising herself as a flowerpot every time her nephew or his family hove to on the horizon.

Even if all the other descriptions applicable to the nephew also applied to me, the one thing that did not was that intense desire to make the life of a girl miserable by ensuring that she woke up to my face every morning. I am coming on all too altruistic here. It is not really concern for this unknown girl but concern for my own self that made me feel not inclined to marrying. Make no mistake, I like women and love all the positives that people associate with marriage. The problem, however, was that if I married I would have to work! Now that was too high a price to pay!

Meanwhile I have this aunt to deal with and a whole gaggle of relatives on the sidelines eagerly watching the match(-making!).

“Well! I want a beautiful, intelligent, rich, talented, considerate and loving girl”, I said.

“Good! Good! We will soon find one”, said my aunt, though the sickly look on her face belied the enthusiasm of her words.

“But, then, if she is all this and will marry me how can she be called intelligent? And if she is not intelligent, how can I marry her?”

That gem of logic gave me the game, much to the relief of my aunt! In fact, with that one single piece of logic I have successfully fended off all efforts at getting me married. There is, certainly, one girl in this world who owes me a huge debt of gratitude!!

 

The author of this post is C Suresh, still a bachelor, rocking as usual.

Arranged marriage versus love marriage

I had read of Marriage being a trap, those outside it yearn to enter the trap. Those inside struggling to get out.

Now, one enters this institution of Marriage, by way of Love, or family arranges to enter them in to the auspicious NET.

It’s been a long debating issue since time immemorial, which option is best, love marriage or arranged marriage.

Mine was an arranged marriage and I traversed the path called marriage pretty well, ( my personal views only, reader at discretion to see either way ).

Only yester night, my beloved asked me sweetly as I was busy writing this post itself.

“Dear, now you will slam and hit on the laptop and then sleep, or ?.”

I immediately shut down my already pampered laptop, the screen of which already flickered nervously every now and then, not knowing when the poor thing might get a heavy beating.

I often see people discussing and vouching for Arranged marriage salient features, (aged unclez and aunties group) while teens, all the more excited and ready to live entire life on a string of love.

I know many may have said or felt strongly in unison of my golden utterances that I am penning down for the upcoming generation to be enlisted gloriously into the fraternity of married cell.

I know, many may not concur with me here, but I am penning as my experience tells me. So if your gastric juices start revolting, just thank me for having stirred your system.

If marriage is arranged by parents, the person marrying may face some issues but one most strong pillar could be the parents of both couples. All trivialities can be easily exploded on their heads, and they can never complain anything to you.

The mother in law v/s newly wed girl, the field of war is all set as she enters the house. It’s a peculiar kind of war, where they exchange harsh words, and in front of their husbands behave as if nothing happened at all and they are going on very well together. The new entrant to house learns the skills to command her husband very quickly, following on the golden footsteps of her mother in law.

Some days ago, my beloved confided that, when she had just entered into marriage, and in my house, she once dreamt of my grandmother, warning to take her in to her realms. And when she had told my mother of it, she had warned on my grandmother’s picture, never to haunt the lovely bride. I now knew how much my grandmother loved me, watching from her heavenly abode.

Teens never know the benefits that rests in arranged marriage.

Whenever mother receives pieces of harsh undertones of the beloved bride, she had chosen herself, she can never blame her son for it. It was her choice and she drinks the humilty with a strength that builds by every passing day.

In love cum arranged marriages, her Mother in Law may have strong inner repulsion towards her, which goes away in due course of time, if one is lucky enough.

And the life rolls on.

Many love saga’s are unable to enter into marriage, and here , as you all may be thinking, their parents are not the spoil sports, the girl or boy dumps the other.

You all may have heard of the Late President of United States, Abraham Lincoln. When he was in teens and of course in deep Love, and when he was dumped by his girlfriend, his reaction letter to his friend was,“Nobody is to blame. I have made a perfect fool of myself.”

A friend phones another friend in the stillness of the night on being dumped and under full influence of alcohol, he is on the top floor of house, where he stays as paying guest. He just informs his old pal that he is about to jump and end his life, once and for all. Now his old friend, happened to have phone number of other students staying in that paying guest house. He instantly called them up to bring the jilted lad down instantly. Irony is that many are not that lucky to get a savior and leave behind themselves crying friends and family.

Teen is a phase of life, where no rules apply. No reason can be set. It follows only what heart says. It detests anyone trying to explain the virtues of arranged marriage to them.

Some bold teens, make a headway to elope away and marry in court of law.

Many supporting friends who sign as witness too, to their holy cause. Now in many cases the girl goes back to her parents and her parents lodge police case on loving groom and all the accomplices of the act. I have personally seen my friend serving a jail sentence for helping a friend to marry.

I was looking at matrimonial sites lately and found some profiles very intriguing. Now, there was a boy, who clearly stated he wanted to be a “ghar jamai” and wanted to be treated well in the house..

I hope he must have found his desired destination.

To conclude, all marriages Love or arranged are to be enjoyed, with patience, endurance, and foresight.

After all It’s your life. Enjoy all seasons of it. Never regret if it’s love or arranged, once you are in the net, don’t ever try to get out, or lament the one’s outside enjoying. It’s a matter of time, they too are going to enter the net, sooner than later.

This post has been penned for Sony contest Love marriage or Arranged marriage at indiblogger

Rendezvous at sasural

I recently heard of an old story of a newly wed Damaad babu, visiting his father in law’s abode, for the first time.

 

He was so overwhelmed by the exquisite treatment he received, that he wrote a line on the bathroom wall.

“Saasro, sukhvaasro”

 

which meant , ” sasuraal is a place of divine pleasure.”

His father in law read this, pleased, increased the rendezvous treatment.

next day,our damaad babu, a little sad on having to leave the place shortly, wrote thus

“chaar dinaa ro aasro”

which meant, “limited to only three four days of pleasure”.

Father in law, when he read this, patted his damaad babu and said, you can stay as long as you like.

This pleased our damaad baabu to the helm. When he went to the bathroom, he wrote below it,

“rehsyaan choumaas”

Which meant ” will stay here four months”

when our father in law read this, he wrote below it,

“Desyaan khurpi, Chilwaasyaan ghaas.”

which meant ‘ “will give Khurpi, an instrument to peel weeds, and he would have to peel weeds in garden all day.”

Next our damaad baabu reading the lines, packed his baggage instantly, and took leave of the rendezvous pleasure abode.

 

The moment I entered matrimony

Have you ever got a chance to attend a South Indian Wedding? That too a Tam-Brahm (Tamil Brahmin) one? My husband had to put some extra effort to enter into the bond of matrimony with me. Seriously! The line of demarcation between the ‘single’ and ‘married’ marital statuses of the souls in question is the tying of the turmeric coated sacred thread with a gold locket a.ka. the thaali a.k,a mangalyam a.k.a mangal sutra around the girls neck by the groom. This is done while the bride sits on her father’s lap, a custom that came into force when child marriages were the order of the day. Whats the big deal holding a nine or ten year old on your lap? Well, we still follow this custom and the poor dads still have to bear the entire weight of their daughter while the latter happily enters wedlock. Of course, on a sentimental note it’s a special thing for both daughter and dad. There is an auspicious time that is decided by the priests and that appears as ‘Muhurtham’ on the wedding invitation. The above mentioned ceremony has to happen within that time if the pair were to lead a good life together. Disclaimer: This no way prevents the wreaking of absolute havoc in each others otherwise peaceful lives hi hi hi hi (To be read with Bollywood villain  effect) The girl would be in a normal six yard saree for most of the marriage ceremonies. For this thali-tying she has to get into the nine yard saree otherwise called the madisaar. Similar to the six yards, this is also just a cloth but relatively longer and a little more complicated to wrap around. Tamil Brahmin girls wear this for the first time in their lives during the wedding. Otherwise only married women are supposed to wear it. The muhurtham will usually be   an hour, in our case 7:30 to 8:30 am. After various rituals and ceremonies, at around 8:20 the nine-yard saree will be given to the bride. The priest will tell the other women, ‘You have  five mins’ That translates to ‘The thali tying has to happen before 8.30 at any cost. So you have to get her ready in 5 mins’. Then – its rapid fire. The women will rush the girl to the dressing room and while she stands like a mannequin, the ladies will wrap the saree around her. ‘Fast, fast, its time for the muhurtham’. ‘Pull this flap , it will come correctly’ ‘Leave that fold as is’…Like this, the girl will hear a lot of dialogues and before she realizes what happens, the women tie the traditional saree around her with a speed that would put Usain Bolt to shame. In my case, there was one more dialogue ‘Jayashree, do you know? All the girls for whom I tied the bridal madisaar successfully conceived and gave birth to a son before their first anniversary. That’s my raasi.(good luck). ‘ one of my aunts quipped.’OOPS’ I thought! The women are so adept at what they do, this whole thing is completed in less than 5 mins as instructed. They either tie it the way it has to be tied, or manage to reach the closest resemblance and quickly bring the bride back to the dias at around 8:25 with five mins to spare before the stars move to some other position. They just make sure that the girl does not trip on her way. Poor us, the brides will be in it for the first time in our lives and will be walking with a duck-stride for the rest of the ceremony and its really funny, believe me. While they march her back, they would tell the girl ‘Look at your husband’s face when he ties the knot and pray to the Almighty’. In addition to this they give one more advice – To hold on to the thali while its being tied and place it at a comfortable position on the chest so that it does not go way high up when the groom ties the knot and become like a choker necklace. I am not sure if I followed the first two of the advices. This last one, I took to heart. Within a few seconds I was seated on my father’s lap. Someone did the trademark shaking-of-index-finger indicating the musicians to play the Getti Melam, a tune usually played during the important events in any ceremony which they promptly did. This fast rhythmic note filled the length and breadth of the marriage hall. The entire audience stood up ready to shower the blessings on us in the form of turmeric coated rice and flowers which would have already been distributed. The priest said some mantras and it was THE MOMENT. My husband tried to tie the  knot AND….. The two ends of the thali would not come close to each other at all. Then how was he supposed to tie a knot. He tugged at it confused. Here I was, strictly adhering to instructions and tightly holding on to the thread for life. So tightly and so low, that I did not leave any amount of allowance for the actual purpose it was supposed to serve. ‘Leave it ma’the priest said. ‘Leave a little’ someone else said. By now I was following the first two instructions as well, looking at my husband’s(not yet actually at that point in time) face and putting on the best expression of girl getting married. ‘Leave it Jayashree’ a whole lot of voices screamed. That’s when I realized what I was doing and let go a little. After all this confusion my man tied the knot with some extra effort as I mentioned earlier and Phew! We got married! Later we realized that he had tied the knot twisting it around the garland on my neck. In all my marriage photos taken within an hour after I became Mrs.Vats, (that is the above thali tying) I would have the expression of the ladies in pain balm ads while my mother and sister-in-law played around with the garland and somehow managed to untangle it! That’s how I proudly entered into matrimony! 😀

How I stayed a bachelor

How I stayed a Bachelor

“Just tell me what sort of girl you want to marry. Leave the rest to me”

When I looked at myself in the mirror in the morning what looked back was certainly not something that girls would be queuing up for the chance to marry. In fact, as Wodehouse could say, it was something that girls would probably run a mile in stiletto heels to avoid marrying. What gave my aunt the confidence to make a promise like this beat me especially since she had not even a nodding acquaintance with electoral politics.

I was young then, folks! Now, of course, I realize that it is one of the regular party games in South Indian weddings. The aunt, whose worst nightmare would be to really have to find a girl for the good for nothing misshapen gargoyle in front of her, has to act as if finding a match for her nephew was her only ambition in life. The good-for-nothing misshapen gargoyle, whose fondest daydream is to be able to hoodwink a girl and family into considering him an adequate bridegroom, has to act as though the very thought of marriage was anathema to him. It was a game with serious hazards – for the aunt. If she failed, nothing was lost. If she succeeded, however, she had a choice of either actually finding a girl or disguising herself as a flowerpot every time her nephew or his family hove to on the horizon.

Even if all the other descriptions applicable to the nephew also applied to me, the one thing that did not was that intense desire to make the life of a girl miserable by ensuring that she woke up to my face every morning. I am coming on all too altruistic here. It is not really concern for this unknown girl but concern for my own self that made me feel not inclined to marrying. Make no mistake, I like women and love all the positives that people associate with marriage. The problem, however, was that if I married I would have to work! Now that was too high a price to pay!

Meanwhile I have this aunt to deal with and a whole gaggle of relatives on the sidelines eagerly watching the match(-making!).

“Well! I want a beautiful, intelligent, rich, talented, considerate and loving girl”, I said.

“Good! Good! We will soon find one”, said my aunt, though the sickly look on her face belied the enthusiasm of her words.

“But, then, if she is all this and will marry me how can she be called intelligent? And if she is not intelligent, how can I marry her?”

That gem of logic gave me the game, much to the relief of my aunt! In fact, with that one single piece of logic I have successfully fended off all efforts at getting me married. There is, certainly, one girl in this world who owes me a huge debt of gratitude!!

Qualities one seeks for in life-partner as discussed at Indiblogger


Animesh K. MishraI would like my spouse to understand the importance of providing personal space; too much of closeness leads to suffocation.

~ Animesh Mishra

 


RanjithI thought that I’ll have to stay awake the whole night to come up with an answer. But then, I remembered a scene from a Telugu movie. The heroine asks the hero about his plans for marriage. He replies saying that it should happen all by itself. You can’t marry a girl just because the stars have matched or that you are being given a handsome dowry. The same thing for me. It should happen. What I think is the perfect quality today may not be so tomorrow. When you find yourself in unconditional love with a person, then you already have a good match. Anything may happen in the future and your preferences may change. But the marriage remains successful.

~ Ranjith



ShrikantNot too many expectations. Just someone who understands me and can put up with my quirks. And a couple of lines for that lady
You can dance.. every dance with the guy.. who gives you the eye.. let him hold you tight..
You can smile.. every smile for the man.. who holds your hand.. beneath the pale moon light..
But don’t forget who’s taking you home.. and in who’s arms you gonna be…
So darling.. save the last dance for me.

~ Shrikant



Madhu BhardwajBetter to marry someone who loves you rather than one who you love. (I know I know but this is true). Good looks are the most hyped quality in a life partner and they mean just nothing.
Marriage is the proverbial ‘ladoo’ that everyone wants to eat. Those who eat it repent and those who don’t hanker for it. Still walk into it with your eyes open knowing that you are relinquishing control over your life. (Debatable point with pros and cons, I am aware.) Try to stay away from people who display their money and are rude to people who cannot answer back due to whatever reason.

~ MadhuBhardwaj


I didn’t look out for him with any specific qualities but I am thankful for these “Sense of humor, modesty, helping hands, his belief in space, patience and his laid back attitude (I tend to get very very hyper about everything, so it balances things out) etc etc.

~ Sfurti


Sfurti Juztamom



Prasanna Seshadri

Someone who agrees to get married outside when its raining. 😀 Also, breakfast with this person needs to be enjoyable.

~ Prasanna Seshadri


My answer is a smiley. 😀

~ Nandini


Nandini Deka



Ankita Singhal

He should be a man not a boy, man of his words, man enough to care and take a stand. And intelligent with good sense of humor. The one who truly lives his life.

~ Ankita Sighal


He should be tall, fair, good-looking, filthy rich and manageable. 😛

~ Pankti Mehta


Pankti Mehta




C. Suresh

I think you already have my views in that post “How I stayed a bachelor” in marriage book 🙂

~ Suresh


I would like a wife who looks and earns like Marrisa Mayer, has a figure like Pam Anderson thinks like Mother Teresa. 🙂

~ Vijay Prabhu


Vijay Prabhu



k2

Should be taller than me, should have good sense of humour and I have a big list. B-)

~ k2


My husband should be a huMAN rather than just a MAN!

~ Sayantini Bhattacharya


Sayantini Bhattacharya



Indu Sharma

I got mine. He loves me truly. Nothing other matters to me. B-) I am cool and he is hot! 😉

~ Indu Sharma


What I will look for in my guy:1. Nature (Caring,Understanding,Humility)2. Some one who will consider me equal and disagree with gender bias thereby both of us contributing to every aspect of our future3. Accept me as what i am both my positives and negatives (Ofcourse I have to do the same for him)

~ Snuffles Jay

Hmm, I actually wanted to post on such a topic, coming through as a consequence of the Compatibility Issues I’m pulled or repelled by; but then just like most topics, it sank in the corners of my mental conscience.

My notion of love is the way I apply butter to my toast – Generous Heaps and dripping, with additional side-effects. [Metaphor: Butter is to Cholesterol as Love is to Being taken for granted].

My compatibility with a person goes hand-in-hand with my own rendion of my own personality. I’m a perpetual underminer who has varied layers depending on situations. I consider myself a Human, irrespective of religion or nationality, perceptive to making flaws. And I can sideline major dips in my life scenarios in the form of disappointments, depressions, and anger behind sarcastic humor, Facebook outrages and/or occasional straight face.

I’d want my woman to be an endless ocean of support; who, if encourages disclosure of problematic encouncters, should be far from judgmental, should manage to appreciate my honesty and courage, and then, utilize that very ocean of support to stick with me. If I do manage to find someone absolutely opposite to me in matters of physical aspects like TV Shows, Political/Religious Views or even if she argues with me over who is better than Sachin Tendulkar as a batsman, I’d still manage to live with every such issue. But I would still seek some sorta similarity on Temperament, Ideology, Wit, Listening Capability, Memory, and ability to indulge in and handle logical discussions.

I have a notion for the kind of woman my attention attracts to, and until recent time, that notion was safeguarded and blindly followed. That very notion has now been transformed into an ever-adapting, far more complex procedure. Gah! I’m gonna die alone. 😛

~ Khushrav W


Khushrav W



The FoolIn my opinion, expectation is the root cause of all disappointment – It is best to accept and appreciate people as they are.

Given that, if you are going to have an arranged marriage and you are going to have to choose from a pool, some of the things one can look at is:-

1. Someone who can understand and appreciate your core values.

2. Someone who is logical and can be engaged in an open dialogue when taking decisions.

3. Someone for who you feel respect for as a person. Theoretically one can say everyone should respect everyone else. But we are human and we have preujudices and egos. So you start with thinking someone is inferior, it is going to reflect in your behavior and you end up in conflict.

4. Someone who is not too proud or egositic – due to education/career or dad’s financial position or physical appearance.

~ The Fool